AOF - Build a Fan-Fic Challenge: Captain Fran Friction
by AttackOnFiction
Summary: Hi, We're a Podcast called Attack on Fiction, where a group of semi-knowledgable geeks read fan fiction aloud and share some banter. During our earlier episodes we set a challenge to write our own story for our 'Build a fan-fiction' segment of our show! We came up with this story by mixing a series of locations, characters and tropes from multiple universes! Find us on Facebook!
1. Chapter 1 - The Captain

Captain Francine Friction and the Trials of the Maze Planet –

Chapter 1: The Captain

Francine Friction, the youngest Captain in Earthfleet's history is adrift in space on her ship, 'the Icarus'.  
She is the lone survivor of her crew after waking up from a decade long cryo-sleep on a shared mission into exploring the deep recesses of space.

She awoke to an empty ship on the brink of power failure, with no crew, a wiped mission log and no idea what had happened while she was asleep. The only clues she had were the faded scorch marks in the ships interior, dead hyperspeed engines and a slowly dying life support system.

The last remnant of her life before the Icarus was an interwoven charm bracelet that her father had given her, when she was promoted to captaincy. He had told her that in times of danger or strife, this lucky charm would protect her… a lot of good it was doing for her now though.

It had been a year since she had been awoken by a power failure caused by a passing electrical storm had awoken her from her cryo-pod.

By her calculations, the she only had 12 months of fuel, food and water left until she ran out. Although she was a genius level intellect and a cunning warrior, she had no idea how to repair the damage to her ship's engines and this far into deep space, no one had answered her distress beacon since it was sent it out over a year ago.

This left her with a lot of time to feel the full depths of despair and loneliness that came with her unfortunate situation. Fortunately, she soon discovered that in addition to the remaining life support systems, the ship's 'hollo-deck' was fully operational.

The hollo-deck can create holograms according to the preference of the user, mostly used for training simulations. However, the Captain takes to using them for not only training, but as a way to deal with the lonliness.

Growing up, Capt. Friction was a fan of late 20th and early 21st century fiction and chose to spend some of her time both watching recreations of movies, TV and games that she enjoyed.  
Mostly however, she spends the majority of her days interacting with some of the fictional characters that she remembers from popular fiction.

She would train her hand to hand combat skills with two characters whose skills she had admired as a young girl – Rock Lee from the Naruto Shippuden anime series and Tommy Oliver, AKA the Green Power Ranger.

She would train herself in weapons and target practice by shooting with Halo's Masterchief, using Grunts as target practice (party headshot skulls enabled, of course!).

For other times when she sought to exercise her mind, she projected the character of Seto Kaiba from the Yu Gi Oh series and would regularly test and improve her strategy skills by dueling him in the game of duel monsters.

And then there were the other times that she was simply, well, bored.  
She had always loved Shrek as a child and part of her had always wondered what it would be like to be his friend. So when she needed a good laugh and her fair share of banter, she would project the image of the lovable big green ogre.

Over time, she found herself intrigued by the idea of confronting some of the villains of fiction. She thought to herself, that if she was ever going to get out of this situation, she would have to be cunning, and use everything she had at her disposal to improve it.  
She recalled reading a digital version of books by an author named Lemony Snicket; she remembered the villain being one of the most cunning manipulators that she had come across in all of fiction – Count Olaf.  
She thought that if she could talk with him, study him and outwit him, it would be a good start for her to learn from him… well, parts of him.

As the fictional holographic projections (or FHP's) regularly interact with Captain Friction, their programming enables them to recognize her and start to build their own memories of events, whilst keeping their base personalities intact.

Green Ranger: Tommy Oliver and Rock Lee spend the most time with her, as she was an avid martial arts enthusiast.

Lee develops a crush on Friction because she is strong, intelligent and above all else a fantastic fighter.

Tommy however, is cool and distant to the Captain's flirtations; maintaining that he has his girlfriend Kimberly (the Pink Ranger) back in Angel Grove… although this does not really bother Friction because 1: They cannot physically exist beyond the holo-dec; and 2, Neither Kimberly nor any of them were actually real.


	2. Chapter 2: The Crash

p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"span style="font-size: 14pt;"Chapter 2: The Crash/span/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"One day, the Captain has the bright idea to use Kaiba's technical expertise as the head of the fictional company Kaiba Corp. to restore the Icarus' engines. However, as Kaiba cannot leave the holo-deck, she is forced to act on his instructions./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Either through impatience, arrogance or a simple lack of knowledge, she triggers a chain reaction that creates a large pulse of energy in the ships radiation core that jumps the hyperspeed engines and sends them careening out of control./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The surge of energy creates a wormhole in space, which they are slowly floating into. The captain rushes to the bridge of the ship, narrowly avoiding parts of the ship that begin to cave in under enormous pressure. Somehow making it to the bridge, she takes the controls to avoid the wormhole, but they are floating towards it without any power from the engines. After a 5-minute struggle, she cannot steer clear of the wormhole any longer and the Icarus slips through /br /They appear on the other side and are immediately pulled down. The computer tells her that they are being pulled towards what looks to be an unknown ice planet. The Captain managed to steer the ship into an emergency /br /Regaining consciousness hours later, she finds herself trapped under a ton of rubble that she cannot move./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Just when she thinks that she will never get out, she feels a set of powerful giant hands reach into the debris and pull her free. She is pulled into the light and struggles to focus on her rescuer. She is shocked to see that it is none other than Shrek./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"She is astounded to see Shrek existing outside of the holo-deck. When she asks him how this is possible, Shrek just shrugs and says that he has no idea, he only woke up on the ground outside, heard the noises of her struggling and followed it./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"With the Icarus' bridge well and truly destroyed along with the main computer, Friction needs to find out what is going on. She decides to make her way down to engineering where the ship has a backup to the main computer./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The Captain and Shrek make their way down there through the ships wreckage only to come across an arm peaking out from under large chunks of rubble. The arm is sporting an unmistakable duel disk on the wrist. This arm had belonged to Seto Kaiba, and he had been crushed to death./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Again, Friction is dumbfounded as to how this is all possible. How was Kaiba able to take physical form outside of the surely destroyed holo-deck to die in the first place?/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"As they are nearing the engineering deck of the Icarus, Friction and Shrek hear groaning in the hallway. They round the corner to see Tommy Oliver in full Green Ranger gear, brushing rubble off of him. Apparently, he had no choice but to morph in order to augment his strength enough to survive the crash./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Before anyone can say anything, Tommy see's Shrek and freaks out, telling Friction to get away from the big green monster. br /"Francine, get back! It's one of Rita's monsters! He's probably the reason we crashed in the first place". He strikes a Flamboyant power ranger's pose as he attempts a running fly-kick Shrek to the face./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek swiftly just bats him into the wall, saying that he's the most oddly dressed knight he's ever seen. He tries to tell Tommy that he is the one who saved the Captain's life from being crushed earlier, but Tommy is having none of it./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Despite the Captain trying to reason with them both, Tommy and Shrek continue to throw down, with Green Ranger flipping all around the place yelling over the top karate noises, and Shrek looking more annoyed than anything – trying to swat him like a giant green and gold fly./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Out of nowhere a small tornado appears in between Shrek and Tommy, pushing them apart, shouting: "Konohasempu" – Leaf Wind Hurricane./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Let us not fight green friends! Let's seize this hot blooded youthful energy and find out what's going on around here!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"There's an awkward silence as they all stare at Rock Lee, posing with a thumbs up in his trademark green jumpsuit and orange shin /The silence is finally broken by Shrek farting… As they agree to press on to find the ship's back-up computer./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The green crew reach the computer where they discover that the combination of energy released by creating and passing through the wormhole resulted in an explosion that overloaded the /This overload somehow enabled the FHPs with the ability to exist as solid matter outside of the holo-deck./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Upon closer inspection, the Captain also notices that the memory banks of the holo-deck have been completely emptied; meaning that Lee, Tommy, Shrek and Kaiba may not have been the only FHP's to be brought to life./p 


	3. Chapter 3 - The Sage

p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"span style="font-size: 14pt;"Chapter 3: The Sage/span/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"As Olaf leads them to the Sage, the group notice their surroundings change all around them. The walls that surrounded them at the crash site formed up again, leading past several regions that varied in temperature. Some areas had an icy chill that could be felt over the walls as if a frozen tundra lay on the other side, while other areas were hot and sticky, covered in jungle like foliage…. This definitely wasn't any ordinary planet…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf finally led them through the jungle parts of the ever-expanding labyrinth, to an internal temple that was the Sage's camp./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The Sage sat in an elevated throne at the center of the temple, cloaked in ragged garb with a hood covering her entire face./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf curtseyed in front of her. "Mistress, they have arrived just as you predicted; it is finally time to…" The sage held up a bony and withered hand up, silencing Olaf. She was obviously an old woman from what the group could tell./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The Sage held up what looked like a thin white stick, made of bone. She flicked it inside her robes and looked as if she was pressing it against her own throat./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""At last, you have come" she said, in an old, ominous, yet vaguely familiar voice./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Long have we waited for you, the one's who have the power to grant us all freedom"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""What do you mean?" asked the Captain, "who are you? And why won't you show yourself to us?"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Hush child, my form must be contained in these enchanted rags for they are the only thing sustaining my life-force, which is connected to this planet. Without them this plain would surely unravel and we would all be stuck here for eternity."/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Why shud we believe yuu?" shouted Shrek "I've dealt with fairy godmothers before and in my experience, they're not to be trusted"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Believe what you will Shrek, but what would Princess Fiona think by you judging a book by it's cover? Surely you of all people have learned that lesson by now, mm?".br /Shrek was taken aback, by the fact that the Sage knew so much about his life./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The sage went on to explain that there is a way to free everyone from this place by collecting 3 magical items scattered across the far depths of the maze. An enchanted sword, located in a Slimy cave deep in the jungle parts of the /A powerful ring, located in a frozen temple somewhere within the icy tundra on the outskirts of the maze and a magic trumpet, located in the wreckage of an old pirate ship floating in the ocean./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"When 3 magical items such as these are brought together here at the temple, they're magic comes together to form a magical amulet that grants the wearer one /The Sage asks the Captain and her team to return here with the 3 treasures so that the Captain herself can make the wish to return them all home./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Captain Friction does not go for any of this, as her instincts are telling her that surely she could find a way out of here if she put her mind to it and outwardly protests to the Sage's Plan./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"In order to gain her trust, the Sage says "her father would be very proud of the courage that she has shown" and as a sign of faith and trust, she directs her attention to Friction's lucky charm bracelet./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Your father told you that that charm bracelet would protect you in times of strife, but that was more than just a metaphor, Francine". br /The Sage instructs the Captain to twist the pendant on her bracelet. When she does it reveals a bright blue strong energy shield that emanates from the pendant./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; border-top: none; border-bottom: 1.5pt solid #00000a; border-left: none; border-right: none; line-height: 100%; padding: 0in 0in .01in 0in;"Taking this as enough proof to trust the Sage for now, Friction agrees to retrieve the /br /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"br /She splits the team into 3, sending Rock Lee and Green Ranger after the /She sends Shrek and Olaf after the trumpet, as Shrek is the only one she trusts enough to be able to handle Olaf's cunning and keep an eye on him. And finally, she decides to go after the sword alone./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Although the groups protest, they agree to return back at the temple within 2 days, to assemble the treasures and go home./p 


	4. Chapter 4 - The Ring

p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"span style="font-size: 14pt;"Chapter 4: /spanspan style="font-size: 14pt;"The Ring – (Rock Lee The Green Ranger)/span/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee and Tommy speed off towards the frozen tundra in search of the powerful ring; still unsure of the plan but trusting in the Captain's wishes./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They follow the cold chill on the air as they make their way through the maze, going on nothing but feel./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Along the way, they came across many strange enemies that attempted to block their path at different points. These enemies were a mix of soldiers in white armor, armed with blasters… although their aim was terrible, especially when matched up with Lee and Tommy's superior agility./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The other enemies were far harder to deal with, as they were like nothing Lee had every seen. These were giant armor-clad aliens had strange flaps for mouths. Physically they were no match for Lee and Tommy's speed, agility and strength; however their weapons were in a class of their own. It was a hard task to dodge their energy blades and plasma grenades; but they managed to escape the maze relatively unscathed…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"It took a whole day before they find themselves at the entrance to the frozen wasteland./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They make their way through the snow at great speed; finally, they were able to find the frozen temple that the Sage spoke of after a day of searching,/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"It was eerily quiet, despite the temple being out in the open./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They find the ring at the center of the temple's shrine, shrouded in energy and vibrating with power. Whilst on their journey to find it they expected that perhaps it could be used as some sort of weapon, but up close was a simple golden band that didn't look or seem to do anything very special at all./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Strangly though, while Tommy makes a grab for the ring, Lee notices a strange golden idol buried in the snow. He thinks that maybe it could be of some help to their cause or at least be a great gift for Francine. He pockets it without saying anything./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Suddenly, without warning, they find themselves surrounded on all sides by the same warriors as before, only this time, they brought more firepower./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Two small armies on either side of the temple, made up of Stormtroopers and Eliets, Jackals and Grunts; both sides were sporting phantoms and AT-ATs cutting off all routes for an escape. But, they were not firing./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Out of the blizzard stepped two representatives from each army. They were enormous dark and powerful figures, standing at opposite ends of the temple. br /On one side stood Darth Vader and on the other, the Arbiter./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The Arbiter addressed Vader: "You sent your agents to retrieve the ring of power in order to bolster your military powers? This insolence is a violation of our cease fire – order your men to return the ring and stand down!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Vader: "You would do well to mind your tongue Bounty Hunter, for I would not trust the procurement of the ring of power to the abilities of my men. If I wanted it, I would claim it myself"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They ignite their lightsaber and energy sword in succession as the Arbiter orders his armies to fire on The Empire's troopers. Vader and the Arbiter then stalk towards each other with Tommy and Lee caught in the middle./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Blaster bolts and plasma rounds rain hell on the battlefield as both armies go at each at each other with span style="text-decoration: underline;"full force/span. Tommy and Lee are blasted apart by a combination of Vader holding them in place with the force while the blast of a plasma grenade from the Arbiter sends them flying./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee is separated from Tommy as he tries to make his way through a battlefield full of explosions that kicks up snow and blurs his vision. Through the haze he can see Tommy fighting it out with the Arbiter, blocking the attacks from his energy sword with his own dragon dagger. Matching the Arbiter's strength, he begins to use his superior agility to out maneuver him. Flipping behind him, dragon dagger raised he goes for the final blow until, out of nowhere, a crimson red lightsaber blade stabs through his chest from behind him. br /br /Lee's cries are lost in the sounds of battle as Vader flings Tommy's body aside with the force and continues his battle with the /br /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee runs to Tommy's side and pulls off Tommy's helmet. His life slowly fading, he puts the ring of power into Lee's hands: "Complete the mission… Protect…. the Cap..tain"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee promises to fulfill his final request, as Tommy dies in his arms./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee looks up with tears in his eyes to see that an enormous circle of seemingly infinite grunts and jackals surrounding and eyeing him hungrily; br /he was going to have to fight his way back to the Sage's temple./p 


	5. Chapter 5 - The Trumpet

p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"span style="font-size: 14pt;"Chapter 5: The Trumpet –(Shrek and Count Olaf)/span/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek: "Al'riite gangly man, I don't like it but I have no idea where I'm goin. So to find this stupid talking trumpet, so how bout we make a deal? You lead us to the pirate ship through the maze, and I won't eat ye'/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf: "Ha ho, my dear big green….thing. I have no reason to lead you astray, for all I desire is to get back to my own world and the mistress is the only one with the power to do it. Until then you'll have nothing to fear from me" He says with a snakelike grin crosses his face./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They spent most of the time in silence, having nothing to say to each other, except to share an awkward looks of Shrek looking annoyed at Olaf's scheming face, while Olaf just returned these looks with a shit-eating grin./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The journey to the ocean wasn't as long as Shrek would have thought; as they reached the coast within a days walk through the maze. Clearly Olaf wasn't lying about being here for the last 50 years, because he knew the maze like the back of his hand./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They saw the pirate ship in the distance as it got dark and could hear merry shanties being sung, with the distinct sound of trumpet toots. The ship was miraculously still afloat despite it being wrecked. Olaf explained that the pirates had converted it into a floating fortress that built all the way to the shore with various materials over the years./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"They made camp and discussed a plan of how to board the ship to take the trumpet. Shrek insisted that they just barge onto the ship and take the trumpet by force, but Olaf advised against /br /Olaf told of how 30 years ago, the Captain of the ship had finally killed his long time enemy peter pan and gained the power of flight by keeping his fairy companion confined, extracting her pixy dust. Since then, the captain has ruled the sea area with honed skills in flight and the sword. If they were going to steal the trumpet, they would have to be smart./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek asks Olaf if he has any suggestions, but all Olaf does is laugh and point to Shrek's drink – as he had slipped a sleeping agent into it /However, Shrek only looks back awkwardly at him, before Olaf realizes that the draft had no effect due to his size...br /Shrek gets up angrily, to thrash Olaf, until he distracts /br /"Is that a talking Donkey?!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek couldn't help but turn around, only to be hit on the back of the head with a comically oversized frying pan pulled from seemingly nowhere – He's knocked unconscious./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek awakes to daylight as he is tied to the mast of the pirate /Captain Hook addresses him from above, as he kicks Shrek in the head while he is floating in mid /br /Captain Hook: "So tell me again what you brought this green monstrosity onto my ship for, Mr. Uh…"br /br /"Sham" Replied an old sailor with a wooden leg and long white beard. "Because Captain, Ogre's are said to be filled to the brim with magic!". br /Shrek thought that the man looked very familiar, but was thrown off by his strange accent… all he could think was where the hell Olaf was. br /Sham further explained that Shrek was a creature whose ground up bones would give super strength to those who consume them./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Captain Hook thanked his fellow sailor and asked Mr. Smee to take Sham below decks in order receive payment, after which Shrek would be taken down there with the other magical artifacts; where he'll be harvested./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek struggled against the mast for half an hour before an unholy explosion blew up half of the pirate ship. Sham emerged from the smoke to pull off his wooden leg, flip it over and then click it to reveal a hidden sword; which he rushed over to cut Shrek's ropes with. He pulls off his white beard and sailor's hat to reveal that he was Olaf all along./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf had disguised himself as Sham, knocked out Mr. Smee and placed dynamite all throughout the lower decks, being careful not to get Shrek caught in the blast radius. Undoubtedly his cunning had caught the pirates by surprise as all of them were blown into the water./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Captain hook emerged from the water as the lone survivor and floats into the air, drawing his sword with an enraged look on his face./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf holds an exhausted tinker bell in his hands and showers Shrek in pixy dust before releasing /"Think happy thoughts so you can fly out to beat the captain. I'll go down and grab the talking trumpet." He says as he hands Shrek his leg-sword./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Surre.. I'll think about punching you in the fayce" Shrek says griping it it; as he shakily rises into the air to face hook./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek and Hook fly through the air with speed, crashing in a flurry of sparking steel, as they cross blades. It's clear that Shrek is severely outclassed by hook's skill as a swordsman, but is holding his own due to a combination of his ogre strength and Hook not being at the height of his powers – In addition to surviving the massive explosion, he has spent last 20 years unopposed, without Peter Pan around as a worthy opponent./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Hook begins to gain the upper hand and push Shrek back. Shrek is faltering due to his flight skills being completely novice. It is only when the loud boom of a trumpet sounds, that stops Hook from ending the fight./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf is below on the remains of the ship with the magical trumpet in his /The trumpet comes to life and begins to sing: "Listen up ogre, hear my truth be told, through my music may your strength increase, ten-fold". A raucous trumpet tune ensues as Shrek feels strength well up inside /So much so that he crushes his wooden-leg sword in his hands and tosses it into the ocean./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"br /Hook, mad with rage swings his sword in a hefty cleave down on Shrek, but he catches the blade between his thumb and forefinger and smiles; holding hook in place as he punches him across the ocean./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek's fairy dust wears off and he crashes into the remains of the ship's debris. Olaf walks over holding the trumpet and stands over Shrek with a raised eyebrow. He offers Shrek a boney hand up: "We should go"./p 


	6. Chapter 6 - The Sword

p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"span style="font-size: 14pt;"Chapter 6: The Sword – (Captain Friction)/span/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Running through the jungle at top speed, Captain Friction heads for the slimy cave that was said to be the location of the enchanted /br /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Before she had left, the sage pulled Francine aside and warned her of travelling in the jungle at night, for there were foul creatures that take form after /When she asked the sage why she was telling her this especially, she only replied that Francine was the key to the success of this mission – without her, it would cease to exist./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Heeding her strange words she charged into the jungle confidently, occasionally coming across wolves, charging dear and a very mad goat. Luckily she was able to fend them off with various tree branches and a giant leaf that when waved, produced a gust of wind./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"She travelled tirelessly for hours on end until coming to an open clearing; realizing that it was getting close to dark and the moon was rising; but not just any moon… a blood /Beams of red light bathed the landscape in a scarlet vale as she felt the ground rumble beneath her…./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Strange creatures that looked to be trolls of different sizes, dug their way out of the ground with no skin on their bodies, only bone. Initially taken aback, she recognized the creatures to be bokoblins and moblins – creatures that wandered the plains of Hyrule in one of the captain's favorite video games that she had brought to life during one of her careless afternoons in hollo-deck… these creatures were her doing…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Before she could manifest more guilt over the entire situation, a larger boned moblin swung at her. She only just managed to twist the charm on her lucky bracelet, which raised the energy shield to block it. With her other hand she grabbed tje giant wind leaf on her back and swung it at the beast; toppling him over into a pile of bones./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Seeing this, one of the smaller bokoblins blew his war horn, alerting more troops to come to their aide. The captain walked over to the pile of bones and picked up a giant boney arm… "This should be fun" she mused to herself, rushing out to meet the oncoming hoard./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"With skilled precision she jumped into battle, using her superior agility to duck, weave and club her enemies into yet more piles of bones. She jumped from enemy to enemy, making full use of her training over the past year./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"She beat one bokoblin in the face with his friends arm and threw it at another charging at her, shattering the would-be club in the process. She picked up a fallen spear, vaulted herself with it onto the tallest moblin's shoulders and watched from up high as its comrades beat him into pieces just to get to her./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"She flipped through the air, fly kicking another bokoblin down, grabbing his club. She then flung it around in circles in a hammer throw motion, beating the rest of the monsters down as they fell into her range./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"She stopped when the last one was downed, breathing hard and taking in her handy work. However, that was not the end of the assault…br /Out of nowhere, three mechanical guardians emerged from the trees hustling on gangly tendrils, accompanied by a Lynel – an enormous centaur like creature with the top half of a horned beast; it was wielding shock arrows…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Shit…I forgot about these guys" she cursed, as the familiar sound of the guardians charging energy blast echoed in the clearing, as they pointed three red sights right at her /br /She dropped her stolen club, yelling "Nope!" and turned to run out of the clearing. She recognized the firing 'beep' of the guardian's lasers as she dove over a log, narrowly escaping instant death. Cursing her love for violent video games, she ran further into the jungle, zig zaging blasts and the Lynel's shock arrows buzzing into nearby trees./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"As she ran, she suddenly felt the ground dramatically slope down in front of her, causing her to slip and fall down a carved out pathway. She tumbled dramatically into a deepening cavern that swallowed her up, loosing all sense of where she was, only experiencing the distinct feel of slime greasing the walls as she fell./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"When she eventually came to a stop, she discovered that this must be the slimy cave that the sage had described, meaning that the enchanted sword was not far /Faintly, she then sees a light deep in the depths of the cave…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"While she walks towards it, she begins to think…. "If this domain is ruled by fictional projections from the Breath of the Wild universe, then the sword must be…The Master Sword!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Eagerly, she broke into a run, finally arriving at a shrine in the deepest part of the cave. There in the center, was the fabled master sword sheathed in stone…as she imagined it would be./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Excited, she assumed the position and attempted to pull it out…but nothing happens. She strains putting all of her strength into it, but still it won't budge. Then she remembers…."Of course, even if it is fictional only Link can pull the master sword…"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Just when she feels like she's run out of options and has little hope getting back to the sage, past the guardians and the Lynell… she hears a soothing voice in her head./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""You are not meant to be the one…for the sword's original owner perished many years ago to seal away a great evil"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Princess Zelda?" The captain asks wearily, "I'm sorry, but I really need this sword, my friends are depending on me"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"After many moments of silence, the voice returned:br /"Warrior…Though it is true that you were not meant to be the wielder of his blade, I sense great courage in you. Perhaps if your courage is pure enough, you will have the added strength to release it and it's power"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Friction looks down as she see's the outside of her hand begin to glow bright yellow./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The symbol of the triforce of courage aluminates the dark cave, as a smile crosses her face. "Thank you, Princess"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" align="center"***/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Back in the clearing, the enemies that she had left behind turn in surprise to face a coming /The captain stands there at the mouth of the clearing; her bracelet shield glowing in hand and the master sword raised high in the air..."Lets do this"./p 


	7. Chapter 7 - The Final Confrontation

p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"span style="font-size: 14pt;"Chapter 7: The Final Confrontation/span/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"2 days after they had separated, the teams begin to arrive back at the sage's temple as originally agreed. Shrek and Olaf saunter in having successfully gained possession of the magic trumpet. Captain Friction arrives shortly after with the master sword on her back, covered in dirt, scrapes and what looks like shrapnel pieces littering her clothes./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee and Tommy however are nowhere to be seen… The Sage begins to become visibly impatient with the delay… until she properly notices that Friction wields the master sword./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The sage questions how the Captain was able to wield the master sword without Link? She thought she would be able to find him and convince him to bring the master sword back. br /Friction reveals to her that Link had died years previously, leaving the sword trapped – however she earned the tri-force of courage, which her the strength and resolve to pull the sword free./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"This news began to turn cogs in the sages mind, she finally thought that it was time to drop the act./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""I see" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together and bringing forth a small army of grunts and elites, emerging from the trees surrounding the temple./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""It appears that I'm going to have to improvise a bit without the ring… but I've waited too long to falter now". The sage said, pulling off her hood./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The sage had lied; her magical robe did not contain her form, it was only to hide her face up until this moment. Although she was far older, there was no mistaking that she was and always had been, Captain Francine Friction./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Secure the ogre, bring me the trumpet and the girl". The covenant forces advanced quickly upon Friction and Shrek as they tried in vain to fend them off after being caught off guard by the Sage's identity. Two fully grown elites held Shrek back by both of his arms, while a group of grunts swarmed the Captain, pulling the master sword off her back and carrying her struggling, to face the sage. Olaf however, seemingly begrudged, complied and brought the trumpet forward./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Friction was held in place, staring at herself 50 years in the future…all she could muster was one word: "How…?"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Old-Friction simply sat back in her throne and /"When you...we, attempted to jump start the hyperspeed with Kaiba's instructions all those years ago; we overloaded the radiation core within the ship, sending out a pulse of dark matter that split our realities in two. I was knocked out from the initial part of the explosion and was pulled directly into the wormhole, whereas you were able to steer the Icarus away from the wormhole, delaying being sucked through by 5 or so minutes. But this 5 minute-delay on your side, equated to 50 years on mine"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The Captain stared dumbfounded…. "So there weren't two ships where we crashed, they were one in the same…just like us. But where are the others? Why is only Olaf with you?"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Sage: "They died long ago. We spent years searching for a way to get out of this god-forsaken place, wandering the maze, learning what FHPs landed where. Finally we had hope that we could operate one of the Star Wars Empire's ships to leave the planet, after stumbling upon their territory in the frozen tundra. My Seto Kaiba repaired a fallen Empire shuttle but blew up when he tested it by trying to exit the planet's gravity… That was when I learned that all fictional projections cannot leave this planet. Somehow it gives them the energy to maintain physical form, but without it, they break down."/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Years passed with no hope of escape, I lost friend after friend to the dangers of the maze. After procuring Voldemort's wand I gained the power to maintain control over my area, keeping me safe from outside harm. Before long I began to have dreams, telling me of the potential for bringing together magical items from around the planet, extracting their energy to create a portal that could send me home. These same dreams told me of your arrival one day"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Captain Friction: "So you lied about the wish-granting amulet…How do you even know that this portal will even work? And even if it did, why would these FHP's help you? Since only you can get through the portal?"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Sage: "Haha, I can't believe I was ever so short-sighted and un-imaginanitive. These same dreams have been right so far, or I would not be staring my younger self in the /As for these FHPs, they obey me out of fear and control. Those strong minded enough are persuaded with the Imperius curse. Take Olaf, he is my masterpiece. A mind as strong and cunning as his was not easy to break, but years of magical torture and persuasion have made him quite loyal… Enough that he retained his personality enough to keep my little secret from you all".br /br /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The Captain: "Your sick… If you're so powerful, why couldn't you just get the magical items yourself instead of sending us?"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Sage: "No matter how powerful we may be Francine, we need still need others. I was too old to take on the dangers of the maze that were necessary to procure all of the items alone, and those under my control are too weak. That is why, before I drain the items to create the portal, I will transfer my essence to your younger body…. With the wisdom I now possess and my old body back, I will finally be able to start again"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek pipes up from where he is being held to hurl abuse at the Sage:br /"What a load a Shite. I don't care if you are some seck and twested version of the Captain, but even if yuu are, you can't be thaat wise. Haven't you forgotten that you need 3 magical items to create the portal?"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Sage: "Indeed I do Shrek. So when I use my younger self as a vessel for my consciousness, I will sacrifice the use of Voldemort's wand to create the portal… where I'm going, I have no further use for such stupid fictional ties./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"And now, the time has finally come!"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"As the sage gives the order for the grunts to hold Friction down, she raises her wand to begin the transfer spell; when all of a sudden they are interrupted by a squeaky, yet unmistakable yell./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Konohasempu!" a tiny tornado whirls between the Sage and the Captain, sending grunts blowing backwards. The boney wand is kicked from the sages grip and sent flying to land in front of Shrek./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Everyone looks back in shock to see a tiny grunt materialize out of thin air, pulling a golden ring off his tiny claw and snatching the master sword out of the air. He was wearing a familiar hidden leaf headband tied around it's waste and orange shin guards that were way too baggy to fit it's stubby /It was Rock Lee in the body of a Halo Grunt!/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Context:br /br /[flash back to Lee facing down an endless horde of grunts during the battle between the covenant and the Empire in the snow./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Tommy had died and Lee was exhausted fighting back the endless waves, he was out of stamina and chakra and in a final desperate attempt to fight back he felt around for a weapon, only finding the golden idol that he had pocketed earlier. Without thinking, he clubbed an oncoming grunt in the head with the idol and blacked out./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"He awoke hours later in the body of that grunt, seeing that his original body had died in the battle, swarmed and beaten to death by the horde of grunts… br /Wanting to fulfill his dying promise to the Green Ranger, Lee looted his former body for the ring of power, his forehead protector and trademark orange shin guards. He headed straight back to the Sage's temple, arriving late due to his lack of speed within his new body.]/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The battle immediately erupted from Lee's intervention. Shrek smashed his two Elite guards together while they were distracted, giving him enough space to pick up the wand at his feet and blast a random wave at them both. He then directed his attention on the rest of the covenant forces wavering under the Sage's control, punching some and casting clumsy spells at the rest./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The captain was stunned at Grunt-Lee's appearance, so much so that she had forgotten to keep an eye on the group of grunts that was binding her before. Before 2 caught her from behind, Grunt lee threw a wave of shuriken at them, taking them out mid-air. "No time to explain Captain!" as he threw the master sword over to her. "Be on your guar…"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Grunt Lee is interrupted by the force of a plasma grenade thrown by an elite 10 yards away, sending him flying through the air, but landing with an acrobatic flip./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Lee was right, it didn't matter how, her friends were keeping the Sage's forces busy. It was her job to stop the Sage. She faced her older self with the master sword in one hand and flipping on her bracelet's energy shield with the /br /p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Although she had lost her wand and was teetering on 70, her older self had no intention of giving up. She barked an order at Olaf, who appeared to be in a daze from the start of the commotion./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Olaf, use the trumpet to give me strength! Do it now!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf looked at the horn and paused… as if struggling under her control, before obliging. "Y-Yes mistress"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Just like what had happened when he augmented Shrek's strength, Olaf blew the trumpet and it came to life, singing a tune: br /"Old lady Sage, whether your intentions are right or wrong; May your strength, speed and endurance grow, when you hear my song"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Now the Sage exuded a dark and powerful aura as she stood up straight, pulled a cylinder from within her robes and ignited it, revealing an Elite's energy sword. She then twisted her own bracelet revealing the same shield and beckoned her younger self with it, to make the first move./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Both future and present Friction's clashed in a frenzied display of sparks and energy pulses, as each tried to get the better of each other with a sharp slash or a shield smash. Although Captain Friction now possessed the triforce of courage, giving her the strength and resolve to face any enemy, she was still evenly matched by her older counterpart's strength augmented by the trumpet's magic. It was clear that her future self was a battle-hardened warrior with decades of combat experience; displaying techniques that she had only dreamed of pulling off…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Despite this fleeting admiration however, she refused to let this be her destiny, she would stamp it out here and now, even if it meant sacrificing both of her own lives./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Impressive, but as expected from myself. You wield our father's shield well, but not to it's fullest extent!" taunted the sage, as she locked blades with the captain, cocked her shield behind her, changing it's form. All of a sudden, the shield sprouted an energy chain with the solid base weighing the end down like a giant deadly yo-yo, extending it's reach and turning it's defensive capabilities to offensive ones. She lurched back from the blade struggle, whipped the weight of her shield around her head and used the momentum to spin herself into a combined blade and whip slash./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"The captain barely managed to parry this maneuver before the energy chain wrapped itself around her legs, pulling her support out from under her. br /She was dragged to the sage's feet, with the tip of the energy sword at her /"On second thought, if my younger body is not up to the task of defeating my older one…. Then there's no point in swapping, I may as well just kill you now" the sage says as she retracts her shield, cocking her energy sword back for the deathblow./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Stop!" cried Grunt Lee, in an urgent voice; pulling his kunai out of the back of a regular grunt. "Francine, you don't want to do this, you're a good person!".br /Looking around, Shrek and Grunt Lee had defeated all of the remaining covenant forces under the Sage's control, with a combination of brute strength, clumsy magic spells and epic martial arts prowess./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek had collapsed under a pile of dead elites, pinning him down just out of reach of the magic wand… that lay only meters away from a dazed and confused Olaf./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Momentarily hesitating, the sage steeled her self: "Oh Lee, you always were annoyingly optimistic…" she said, flicking her wrist and extending her shield chain to whip around and smash Grunt Lee across the face and into a tree, in a yo-yo-like fashion. He hit the ground with a loud thud and was out of commission./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"With the last of the Captains allies now incapacitated, the Sage ordered Olaf to bring her the wand. He awkwardly strode over to near Shrek and picked it up, examining it as though he were in a trance./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Shrek pleads with him to consider what he's doing, he's a FHP like the rest of them; it makes no sense to help the Sage./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Olaf looks down at him and tells him that he must do what his mistress commands, begrudgingly walking to the Sage's side./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Give me the wand Olaf" retracting her shield back into her bracelet and holding out her free hand… He struggles, lifting it /The Captain tries to reach Olaf from her position under the sage's boot:br /"I never thought you were the type to be controlled, Olaf"./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Olaf, the wand!" she yells, holding her hand out /He slowly looks to the sage and holds it out for her to take…/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Before the sage can grab it, with a flick of his fingers, he flips it over his knuckles and back into his grip: "Not anymore..."br /The Sage angrily moves her sword away from the captain's throat and taking a step forward to slash Olaf in half, not realizing that the captain is holding the her legs in place with her own. Locking eyes, with Olaf she holds resolute: "Do it!"/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;""Avarda Kadarva!" Olaf utters the killing spell that shoots a green blast of magical energy straight into the Sage's chest. Her body flies backwards, landing lifeless in her former temple throne./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;" align="center"***/p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"Hours later, Captain Francine Friction sat on the steps at the edge of the temple, her fictional friends all around her, nursing their battle wounds and trading stories about their adventures over the past few days…and /She was barely alert, too distracted with the thought of seeing a part of her that could have been. br /But she was determined to stamp that destiny out, she made a vow to never abandon her friends like the Sage did, and carve out her own destiny./p  
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%;"She rose, her friends looking up at her /"Come on, we've got work to do"./p 


End file.
